Tuesday, March 18, 2014

What It Means To Be In Love

When someone is "in love" it seems as if the other person is perfect. The person that's in love can only see the good. The beloved is wonderful in every way. Judgment is suspended and all that's good is highlighted.
For a long time I thought that this was simply hormones. Doctors would back this up. I used to believe that when someone was in love they needed to wait until that fuzzy warm feeling faded in order to see the other more accurately.
I've come to understand that the state of being in love is not something that is strictly hormonal. Actually, the in love state is when we see another most accurately,   our filters are off and we are completely open. We see the other's true self: a perfect being in spite of all imperfections, and worthy of all good things. I wish we could all see each other that way.
The way that we feel about and treat our beloved in the very beginning does not need to change. In the first few months when we accept and love everything about them it's easy to treat them wonderfully. The real test of love comes when that feeling of butterflies fades. This is when it becomes a choice to give love and be loving.
We lose our inspiration to love and be loving over time because it seems as if our partners have changed. Suddenly they are very flawed and we blame them for issues in the relationship instead of looking at ourselves. The truth is, they are who they are, the way that we chose to see them in the beginning was different than the way we choose to see them years later.
Sometimes our acceptance, admiration and warm affection turns into judgement, criticism and indifference. This happens because we allow judging, criticizing and cold, indifferent thinking to replace the loving thinking we once had. Can you intentionally choose to see your partner with brand new eyes? Can you see the good in him/her?
Choosing is not forcing, it is about whet you place your focus. The good and the bad are both always equally available, it's about which you choose to focus on, give your attention and respond to.
I am not suggesting that others be allowed to abuse you in any way; your love for yourself must always come first. What I am suggesting is that if you are in a relationship that is filled with negativity, intentionally changing your perception can make a work of difference.
Tomorrow I will write a list of ways that you can change your perception to a much more positive, loving one.

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