Thursday, March 27, 2014


Ah, romance. Flowers, candles, soft music and just the right words, the right touch. It's all so Disney Princess fabulous.
I'm not anti-romance, there are very few things that I'm anti. The idea of romance in our culture, however, is so over-inflated and well, romanticized. Romantic comedies, sappy novels, fairy tale weddings complete with a bridezilla, ideas of a rescuer, kisses in the rain and long gazes are what we are taught to want and expect.
We're certainly not short of romantic ideals in our culture, it's everywhere you look. We're inundated with unrealistic fluff.
But are we lacking love? Flowers and candles are nice, but will the person who gave them to you be there for you to lean on when you're having a difficult time? Will you want to be there for them? Soft music is lovely too, but I'd rather have someone that wants to sit with me when I'm at my ugliest. I want to feel like taking time to soothe them when they feel unlovable. We can whisper sweet, but only if they're truth; otherwise, it's meaningless.
It feels amazing to be touched, but not by someone who's not interested in who I really am. Do you know me and love me as I am? Can I say that I know and love you as you are? Under our desire to wear a mask of perfect, there's a deeper desire to be uncovered, to have our true self seen. After all, if this doesn't happen, others can only love our mask.
Romance is pretty and all, but real "no matter what" love, is not fluffy. As my good friend Rebecca so eloquently put it, "That shit is fierce". For all the songs, movies, books and pink wedding albums, one in a million stories are about that real, fierce shit.
Tell me another story about guy meets girl and I can show you a million carbon copies. I'm dying to hear a story about something real, people who were there for each other through extremely difficult times without feeling like they were owed anything. Tell me a story about how someone gave to another and was a rock for them, without expecting any acknowledgment or appreciation. Tell me about some unconditional, no matter what love. That's the rare and the real; I'll take that over romance any day.
In my life, I intend to know my truth. Untruths feel like static messing up my favorite song. I'm not interested in anything that isn't genuine. I find it really crazy that in our culture we seek out romance, which is really just a set of the right conditions. That's the opposite of genuine love, which couldn't care less about conditions or atmosphere.
Perhaps that's why I feel that I have genuine love in my life. My family and friends are people I truly, deeply love and feel loved by. I also consider myself very fortunate to be with a partner who's also the real deal. He's seen me at pretty close to my worst and he still hugged and kissed me. I'm very fortunate to be with a man who really knows me, cares about my life and wants me to be happy. And I am happy, even though there's very little romance in my life.
If you're out there and you desire romance, your desires are always valid and should be honored. However, dig deeper for truth. Is the fluffy stuff truly more important than the fierce shit? Only you know your truth, seek the real. 

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