Thursday, March 27, 2014

Fake It 'Till You Make It

I was inspired to write this by my daughter. At the end of her class cookie dough sale, there would be a wheel of fortune style contest with a few different prizes. Only a handful of students would win and my daughter really wanted to be one of them. I told her to pretend that she had already won. She told everyone that she came in contact with how excited she was that she won. She got really into it and truly did feel excited. Less than a week later she won $20 in the contest.
Pretending is usually dismissed as invalid. In my own experience however, pretending has been an essential, miraculously effective step in manifesting. What do you think would happen if you regularly pretended that your desires were already met?
The miraculous would happen. You would manifest people, circumstances, feelings and events like crazy. You could act as if you were anything you wanted to be and with just a little bit of time, you would be that.
For this article, I want to concentrate on feelings instead of conditions because relationships involve mostly feeling states. After all, good feelings are what we really desire. When we think we want something physical, it's only because we believe that the attainment of that thing will bring us the good feelings we desire.
In relationships things are not always wonderful, but in general most people strongly desire them to be and stay wonderful simply because wonderful feels really good. The problem isn't this desire, but the belief that this wonderful feeling can only come from the outside, when something wonderful happens in the outside world. This is backwards thinking. The wonderful feelings come first, from inside yourself, and then the outside world follows suit.
In particular, close, in love feelings are essential to the well being and "wonderfulness" of your relationship. After a fight, when you're in an awful mood, or after a time of cold indifference in a relationship, it's hard to feel this. If you want to have love and closeness  however, even in tough times, you must feel it first. Sometimes this means being very deliberate and intentional in spite of all that's going on around you. It can be mean ignoring the outside world and focusing instead what's going on in your inner world.
When you feel bad, instead of waiting for the other to make you feel better, you can pretend to feel love first and the loving feeling will return within minutes. I know this is true because I put it into practice in my own life and watch others put it into practice and I've never seen it not work. I've noticed that when my partner and I get into a fight or when one of us is feeling awful, if I pretend to feel close, happy and in love it gets me back to where I want to be much quicker than if I let it happen on its own. I do love him very much, why not love him all the time rather than waiting for things to be a certain way for me to feel love? Feeling resentful, bored, hurt, angry etc has never served me or my relationship. Its never brought me the happiness, love and closeness that I desire. I try my best to be proactive, so as soon as I'm aware that I feel badly, I do what I can to change it.
My theory on pretending, is that when you act a certain way, your body sends a message to your brain that makes you feel this certain way. You then respond to this accordingly. This is called neuro science.
You're empowered to choose to feel good or to not feel good moment by moment. If you choose better feelings then this will lead to better actions and others will respond accordingly. This will create your entire life.
The dynamics of your relationship will change dramatically when you change your state. Your relationship is especially changeable, because it's based on feelings and feelings are fluid, everchanging and highly malleable.
What do you think would happen right now if you acted as if you were totally in love with your partner? What do you think would happen if you saw only the best in them? How do you think things would be different if  you treated them the way you did when you first met them?
In this moment, no matter what you're feeling, you absolutely could feel happy. You can change your thinking and the way that you move your body and go through happy motions and you will feel happy. In the next moment you could deliberately feel angry and then sad. If you're sensitive enough you'll notice the feelings in your body even as you just read those words. The words alone cause a subtle response in your body.
If feelings are a choice, it makes sense to choose empowering, loving, good feeling feelings rather than those that bring you  and others down. First, figure out what it is that you want to feel. Then act like you feel that way, even if you don't feel very good at all, and in a very short time it will be your reality.

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