I wonder what would happen if we stopped wanting and wishing and instead started living our lives with intention. Have you ever noticed how much you want what you don't have and how often you wish things were different? It wouldn't be a big deal if it didn't feel so awful and create lack in your life. How often do you do this?
Have you ever noticed how infrequently you have an intention? To have an intention is to have an outcome that you're certain you'll achieve because you put your energy into having it. Intention feels like acting with purpose toward something, wish/wants feel like victimization. Intending requires self responsibility. How often do you do that?
For the past week or two I've really been noticing how much time I spend focused on some kind of want/wish and I have to tell you, it's a LOT. It's so much time actually, that I wonder if I'd have any thoughts at all if not for the wish/wants.
On the flip side, I noticed that very little of what I do is intentional. I very rarely have a clear idea of what I want the outcome to be and then think, speak and act accordingly.
When I speak of victimization, I don't mean that others are harming you. I mean that you're allowing the outside world to effect your feelings and actions. You're a victim every time you blame. When you say, "I don't have it because...", you're blaming. By the way, blaming also includes blaming yourself.
I believe that this wish-want, blaming cycle is more damaging than just about any other mental pattern you have. Our culture feeds this. It tells us that there's not enough and that the outside world can make us happy or unhappy. We only need things to be a certain way, and to keep getting more and better to be happy. Have you ever noticed that having things this certain way and getting more and better has not made you any happier?
We have this illusion that we will be happy when and if. This will chase happiness away from the only place it can ever be found, within you in this present moment.
In relationships in particular, we do this all the time. We complain that we don't get enough love/affection/attention/sex/help around the house and that our mate is not good enough and that we wish they were different. Man, if only they'd give us more and behave the way we wanted to, everything would be perfect. Why can't they see how bad they are?
If you ever want to have a happy relationship (and a happy life) the blaming victim act needs to go. I don't know a single
successful person who blames the outside world and makes up excuses for why they can't be successful. If they did, they wouldn't be successful. I don't know one partner who's half of a truly happy couple, who wishes that the other would change. Maybe they get annoyed and even angry sometimes, but they don't blame and they don't seek to change them. They love the other as they are.
You are not a victim; you are only ever victimizing yourself. The only reason you don't have exactly the life you want, is because you're getting in your own way.
Take inventory of your life, your relationships and ask yourself, "How did I create this?" What were you thinking, doing or not doing?
Now, ask a much more important question, "What would I like to create?". Do you want more trust, more respect, more love? What can you think, do or stop doing to get it?
No one is going to save you, nothing is going to fall into your lap. Anything and everything that you want will only happen if you make it happen. You've got to be intentional. Decide what you want, get super clear about it, decide that you will have it and decide that you will do what it takes to have it. Then deliberately take action and keep taking action, changing your approach if needed, until you get what you want. Or just continue complaining and blaming and see if that gets you where you want to be. The choice is yours and yours alone.