Wednesday, November 13, 2013

Love and Closeness Challenge #30: Fulfillment


What is fulfillment? It's possible to achieve everything that you desire and feel empty and it's possible to feel full even if you have achieved nothing. It's possible to be the wealthiest man on earth and feel poor and it's possible to feel abundant in poverty.
To be fulfilled is to feel that all is well, that everything that you need is within you. Fulfillment can come from outside achievements, when you have reached a goal. When you have a vision and it comes to fruition, it is fulfilling for a time. Deep, lasting, fulfillment comes from learning, from growing and from being thankful. 
In relationships, fulfillment is what we long for and what we think we will have "when" and "if". When we move to another house, when we get married, when we have three children, when we retire, if we can go on vacation four times a year etc. It seems like fulfillment is something that will happen someday. But someday, like tomorrow, never comes. We wait and wait for something to happen that will make us happy, for our mate to meet some unspoken, sometimes even unknown desire. 
The interesting thing is that fulfillment can only be had now, not tomorrow, or next week, or someday. Fulfillment can only be had right now in this moment, when you are thankful and feel as if you are growing as a person. It comes from being challenged enough to grow, but not so challenging that you feel unsuccessful or incapable. Fulfillment comes when you contribute to others in a way that is meaningful and valuable.
How, then, do you achieve fulfillment in your relationship? You recognize the good that this relationship brings you and you enjoy the person't company in the moment. You breathe through challenging times and before reacting you choose how to respond, considering how what you say or do will effect the relationship. You take full responsibility for your own actions and think of the future of the relationship. It feels good to grow in this way. To have the most fulfilling relationship possible, focus on giving rather than getting. Let your questions to yourself be: what can I give to my partner today that will feel the best to him? or what can I do to help us grow closer through this challenge?


Your challenge for today is to see all the good in your relationship and your partner. To recognize and bless the good that this relationship brings into your life. Enjoy your partner's company whenever you are with them today. If a challenge comes up, take some time to breathe and calm down. Consider carefully how what you say and do will effect the other person and the relationship. Then choose to say and do only those things that will increase feelings of love and closeness. You have the resources to do this, and as you practice more and more you will grow and become more and more capable and successful. Taking full responsibility will feel totally different than just allowing things to happen and reacting based on flashes of anger or fear. The results will be completely different too. 
If you only do one thing today (or the rest of your life) to create more love and closeness in your relationship, focus on giving rather than getting. What can you give to your partner today that will feel amazing to him? If you are experiencing something difficult, what can you do to help the two of you grow closer and feel more love for each other through this challenge?

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