Monday, October 28, 2013

Love and Closeness Challenge #27: Mixing Things Up

Variety is one of the six human needs. Without movement and change there is no life, there is no spark, no spirit. Mixing things up creates excitement and novelty and everyone loves excitement and craves novelty.
This is human nature. What is new, different and exciting captures our attention. A major complaint people have in relationships is that they get bored. Then, they will usually blame their partner. They'll say something like: "He's so boring" or "He's so predictable". Very rarely do I meet someone who says that they're stuck in a rut and feeling bored who acknowledges that this is because they are boring. I'm not meaning to offend, but if you are bored it's because you're boring and if you're stuck in a rut it's because you're not changing things up.
This isn't to blame you or make you feel bad, it's to encourage you to take an honest look at yourself and take some responsibility in creating excitement in the relationship if this is what you want. If you've depended on your partner to create the excitement and change things up, I would be willing to bet the farm that you didn't like how that turned out. Most of the time when you wait for your partner to change or give to you, you end up disappointed or even resentful. This doesn't create love and closeness, obviously. The perfect antidote is to look at the situation and yourself honestly and ask yourself: "Where could I add some excitement? Where could I mix things up and make it fun and different?" Even if after your evaluation your answer is that there is no where that you could mix things up to make it fun and exciting, don't stop there. Ask yourself: "If I wanted this to be the funnest most exciting relationship I could possibly have, where would I mix things up to create this?" An answer will always come because no matter how good it is, it could always be better. It's your job to raise your standards and expectations for yourself and your behavior and do what you can do to make it the best it can possibly be.
There are more advantages to mixing things up than just not being bored. Keeping things interesting in this way sets a playful tone. Adults are just big kids and we love to play. Even the most serious among us has a playful spirit that if not allowed to be expressed, withers and we become bitter. Another great thing about novelty is that it is very bonding.The emotions that you experience from mixing things up when you share them with another in a positive, feel good way are magnified and intensified. When you have an adventure with someone it connects you in a deep way. The adventure doesn't need to be a big adventure that you have once or twice a year, little daily, playful adventures are better.

 So, examine your daily routine. Look at your day. Where can you inject something unexpected into it? There are a million ways to do this, but how can you do it that will make it fun for you and your mate? This is highly individual.
There's a certain amount of stability we all need as well. There is nothing wrong with having a routine. There's nothing wrong with breaking out of a routine and making things interesting and new either.
When you come home do you always turn the TV and sit on the couch with your mate to watch the news? What would happen if instead you set yourself and him up for a crazy surprise instead? If he's sitting down on the couch already, what would happen if you sat down next to him naked? Well, who knows what would happen, that's what makes it exciting. You have to come up with your own way of changing things up, but my challenge to you today is to examine your day and think of at least one thing that you can do that would be completely out of the norm. The only requirement is obviously that it be something that will be positive and will feel good. If you want to get really crazy, or if you're finding yourself in a real rut, look at your week and think of one thing that you can do for each one of the seven  days that would be surprising. 

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