Wednesday, October 2, 2013

Love and Closeness Challenge #15: Recreational Companionship

My parents just celebrated their 37th anniversary. If you ask them, they love each other now more than when they first got married. They had their ups and downs, and I can remember one time a few years back my dad said he was going to leave and live by himself somewhere. We all felt very sorry for him. An hour later he and my mother were planning their next fishing trip.
They've always enjoyed fishing together and since before I was born, even in financially strained times, they've had a boat. When they met my mother was eleven years old,my father was fifteen and he would take her on his sail boat. They were good friends then and they are even better friends now. 
One of the reasons for this is that both my mother and my father are equally passionate about boating and fishing. They love to be on the boat together and it's been a glue of friendship for them. It's something that they share that they enjoy spending time together doing, something they can be proud of when they catch a shark or a really big or rare fish and they work and enjoy the harvest of fish they cook in all different ways.
Hobbies are fun, relaxing and sometimes challenging activities that people enjoy. It's healthy to have a hobby, whether you are single or attached. It adds color to life. You can have your own hobbies when you're in a relationship of course, but there is something bonding about having a shared hobby or hobbies with your mate.
The only rules that I have about being recreational companions is that whatever activity that you are doing must be something that you can both participate in and it must be uplifting and positive. It doesn't necessarily have to be something that's organized or scheduled, such as joining a bowling or softball league. Anything that the two of you enjoy doing together that makes you both feel good will suffice. I know couples who ski together, a couple who gardens together, a couple who goes out to eat every night and a couple who plays video games together.
A hobby doesn't even have to be organized or scheduled, as long as the two of you are able to engage with one another "positive present moment style". It doesn't even have to be something that you start together or even something that you both equally enjoy. I know couples who tried something that their mate was doing and ended up loving it. I know of women and men who participate in their mate's hobby just to spend time with them even though they wouldn't do it on their own. They're enjoying just being with their partner.

Your challenge today is two fold: if you don't have a hobby that you do with your mate, look for one to do. Places to look include: something that he already has fun doing, something that you enjoy that you could invite him to do, something that he used to love to do but hasn't done in a long time or something completely new to try that you suspect he might enjoy. The next part is to do it together. 
Inevitably someone will ask about partners that aren't interested or don't have time to have a hobby with you. In either case, don't push or demand. To create negative feelings would be to undermine the entire purpose of the love and closeness challenges which is to create positive, loving feelings of closeness. Instead, find a hobby for yourself to enjoy, preferably with a friend or a group of people. This will help you to have more happiness in your own life and to be more whole, which is what we hope a relationship will bring us anyway.

No comments:

Post a Comment