Tuesday, October 1, 2013

Love and Closeness Challenge #14: Forgiven

When speaking of unconditional love, relationships and acceptance, it's impossible to leave out the forgiveness. Forgiveness is not allowing someone to repeatedly hurt you or to let them off the hook for something that they've done. It isn't granting them reprieve from your righteous position of moral superiority.  
What forgiveness is, is letting go of the past and a willingness to see that a person is more than their past actions. When you forgive someone you release them and yourself from the thoughts about past words and actions that cause pain for both of you and damage the relationship. When you forgive you say: "I let go of the past completely, it is done. I release painful thoughts about you and anything that you have said or done. Now you and I are both free to be new in the present moment. Your past actions don't define who you are today and they don't have the power to effect me now."
When someone feels unforgivable, they feel blamed and as if they are bad. They feel that they deserve punishment, or even worse for the relationship, they feel that you think they deserve punishment. This is such a negative way to feel, and as we know, happy, loving relationships are impossible to have if the feelings between the two people aren't happy and loving.
Of course, you can only control what you do. You can't demand forgiveness or make another have warm, happy, loving feelings about you instead of blaming you for issues that come up. They are free to feel and think those things and you can't force them to feel or think otherwise. There are things that you can do to have an emotional tone of "always forgiving" in the relationship.
It starts with you you must be as forgiving as you can, of yourself, your mate and all the people around you who push your buttons and don't behave according to your rules. I'm not trying to put you down in any way, it's simply that when you feel that you could forgive someone, it's because they aren't behaving in the way that you believe is the right way to behave.

Your challenge today is to begin to forgive, truly and completely. This means that you are choosing to release your negative thoughts and feelings about the past. I say begin to forgive because forgiveness isn't something that you do once in your life and it's done. As a matter of fact, I have a forgiveness ritual that I practice every morning. During my morning prayers, I intentionally forgive and send love to all people who have caused me any kind of pain in the last 24 hours. It could be as small as someone cutting me off in traffic, I still forgive that person and send them love. I say, "I forgive you, man who cut me off, I wish you well," and then I send him love. Then I do something that some people would argue with me about it's validity, but I ask for them to forgive me as well and to send me love. We don't see outside of our view of the world, but we cause pain for others and asking for their forgiveness allows us to be released from their negative feelings. Sending love and asking for them to send love kind of "seals the deal" and dissipates the negative feelings. Two things can't occupy the same space at the same time. If you're sending love, you can't be sending anything else. The same is true if you ask for them to forgive you and send love to you, you can't receive anything but forgiveness and love. 
From start to finish, here's my morning forgiveness prayer:
* I light a candle
* I spend a few moments connecting to love (for others it might be God, Goddess, a Higher Self etc)
* I think of the people who have upset me in any way since the last time I prayed 24 hours ago. I state out loud that I forgive them, wish them well and send them love. I feel the love going to them.
* I ask for their forgiveness and for them to send me love. I feel their forgiveness and their love come to me.
* I go global. I forgive everyone in the world that has ever hurt anyone. I feel it, I see the earth and see a white energy surrounding the entire globe and know that it enters into the heart of each person. I feel that forgiveness and love penetrating them. Then I ask for their forgiveness and for them to send me love. I feel it.
* The last step of this process is optional. I surrender any ongoing issues or problems to be healed. You can send them to whomever or whatever you choose. I simply picture something that symbolizes the situation to me and visualize it being lifted up into the sky and a white "love light" fills it and disintegrates it. I say out loud "This situation (person) is healed completely," and know that it's true. 


  1. Forgiveness is so freeing. Thank you for sharing and helping people walk through it.

    1. It really is freeing for both the forgiver and the forgiven.

  2. "Your challenge today is to begin to forgive, truly and completely." What a challenge! Forgiving someone who has seriously wronged you is one of the hardest things in life. I know because in some cases, no matter how hard I try, I hold on to the past complete with grudges. Thanks for sharing your take on this and including the morning forgiveness prayer. That's where I think I'll start on my forgiveness journey and glad to have met you via the #31dbc.

  3. It is a challenge, and that's why I believe it's a journey, not something that you can do all at once. I wish you the best, the morning prayer works well foe me, but you might find your own way that works best for you. Keep at it, when you can truly let go of those feelings, it's so worth it.