Sunday, August 4, 2013

Forgiveness

Forgiveness is one of those things that is an absolute necessity for a loving relationship. Without forgiveness, each discretion adds up and constructs an entire relationship of resentment and contempt. Without forgiveness a score is kept. With forgiveness, each moment is a clean slate.
Forgiveness is for both the big things that have happened that have really deeply hurt you and caused a lot of pain and for the minor annoyances and irritations. Every single thing that you feel you have been victimized in any way is an opportunity to extend forgiveness to another. Being victimized doesn't Any time that you believe you have been at the effect of another, that someone has caused you pain, you are in victim mentality. When you forgive you reclaim your power by acknowledging that you are never a victim.
You are never at the effect of anyone else's behaviors. Nothing anyone ever does or says has the power to effect you in any way unless you allow it to. When you forgive, you set yourself free from feeling effected by what others say and do. You say in a sense that what they have said or done is their responsibility, has no power to cause a problem in your life. You also say that you understand that you can't know their reasons for doing what they did and whatever the reason they thought it was what was best at the time.
Holding on to bitterness, anger, resentment and ill will doesn't do anything for you. It doesn't fix the situation and it won't make the other "pay" for what they have done. Holding on to these feelings only causes you to suffer. This kind of energy wreaks havoc in your life, all of your relationships will feel strained. It also wreaks havoc on your body, you can actually become sick from the stress of these types of feelings.
I have found that the easiest way for me to forgive is to forgive immediately and completely all transgressions large and small. I have set up a daily practice of forgiving anyone anytime that did something that upset me. I then ask them to forgive me (in my mind and heart) because we are all one, and they are just a mirror of me, so asking forgiveness from them releases residual negative feelings. Then, I send them love and wish them well. I think of them and feel love for them and then I say silently, "I wish you well". This practice of immediate forgiving has been transformative. I truly feel I'm free, nothing holds me the way it did before I learned to forgive. The key is, remembering to forgive even the smallest things that upset you even slightly and to forgive the innocent (babies, animals, plants etc.) because just because they are innocent doesn't mean they can't trigger anger and resentment.
Forgive to free yourself.

“Sincere forgiveness isn't colored with expectations that the other person apologize or change. Don't worry whether or not they finally understand you. Love them and release them. Life feels back truth to people in it's own way and time.”

Sara Paddison



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