It is my strong believe that you are enough as you are now, to be worthy of great love. There is nothing that needs to be added or taken away from your self; you are a complete human being. Nothing needs to be fixed; you aren’t broken or damaged regardless of anything that has happened in the past. You are not your past thoughts and actions, and these need not effect you in your present moment or in any subsequent moments that follow. You are whatever you choose to be in this moment and whatever you choose to be is always good enough. There is nothing to worry about; there is nothing that you can possibly “mess up” or get “wrong”. It’s difficult to remain present and enjoy your life or your relationship when you are concerned about how you should be behaving. There are no “should s” or “should not s”. You are perfectly desirable and lovable the way that you are right now and there is nothing that you can do to change this. There is no need to wait to enter a relationship until you “know what you are doing” or wait to put effort into improving your current relationship until you are certain of “the right thing to do”. You can choose right now to create change, no matter where you are at. You can choose to respond differently to others in this very moment.
You are good enough as you are and nothing needs to be changed about you; and the same is true of your partner. He or she is a complete human being and there is nothing that needs to be added or taken away from him/her. There is certainly nothing about him/her that needs to be fixed. Even if from your perspective he has many flaws, trying to change him only causes both of you to feel resentful. The way he is right now is exactly the way that he should be and whatever your relationship is like right now it’s a perfect place to start from.
This actually took me a very long time to learn. For many years I tried to fix myself and in relationships I tried to fix others. The truth of the matter is, nothing needs to be fixed in anyone. You may have habits that are unhealthy, but have you ever noticed how beating yourself up about it simply doesn't work? Not only does it not work, but most of the time it makes you feel awful and actually intensifies the behavior.
I want you to love yourself, truly and deeply. I don't want you to beat yourself or anyone else up anymore. I don't want you to blame yourself or anyone else for your past "failures". I don't want you to feel that you need to read the next self help book to start living your life to the fullest. I don't want you to feel that you have to complete the next program about how to improve your relationship before you connect with your mate. What I do want, for myself and everyone, is to live in this moment with full awareness that nothing needs to be added or taken away from anything. Everything is just the way that it is and can either be praised or damned. This isn't to say that things can't be changed from this moment forward, just that wishing you or another or your circumstances were different than they are won't help. Being where you are when you are there with your non-judgmental awareness and engaging in the dance of your life will create change. This sort of presence helps one to notice things that are essential for transformation of all kinds to take place. A person who is caught up in struggling to change themselves or others or thinking of how they wish things were different is not even going to notice the subtle stuff that needs transforming. I would get into this more right now, but it deserves it's own post. Tomorrow I will delve into the wonderful world of transformation. For today, live like you are perfect the way that you are, like all others have some secret plan to bring you your greatest life ever (even when they are being impossibly difficult) and like every single thing that comes up in your life is important and deserves your full awareness. Stop "efforting" and start being where you are so when life shows up you are fully living it. Allow others to be the same. No one has to change to please you, not even you.