Friday, June 7, 2013

What Fun Does for Your Relationship

In the course of our everyday lives there is so much to do. There's laundry, dishes, children that need tending to and dinner to be made. There is a lot that needs to be done and this drains the enjoyment out of life. When our lives become more about obligations they become less about living. When you are married, or in a long term, exclusive relationship the obligations and everyday mundane chores, errands, appointments etc. become such a big part of life and fun takes a backseat. You forget to have fun at all and the two of you become business partners in the business of running a household. Even if you are loving and kind to one another, without fun and enjoyment in your relationship it becomes like business in some ways. It's not that we want this to happen, it's simply that like all things, if we don't put energy into play and fun, it isn't what we experience.

Having fun and playing with your mate adds some vital "friendship energy". In my humble opinion, it's one of the very best things that you can do for your relationship. When you inject regular laughter, playful teasing, affectionate wrestling, goofing off, etc. you are breathing joyful life into your togetherness. The more often that you play, laugh and touch each other affectionately, the less time you have for arguing, feeling bad about one another or feeling disconnected.

Having a warmly close and deeply loving friendship with your mate is building a strong foundation that will remain strong when challenging times arise. When you are having good times together, this friendship is strengthened and you enjoy the joy of life together. The good news is: you don't have to wait for him to get more exciting! Take 100% responsibility for the relationship and create some fun, playful excitement yourself.

Think of your entire life as just a series of moments. You want to create the best possible moments that you can throughout your entire life. You can't do this anytime but right now. You can't create wonderfully fun and playful moments with your mate in the past, it's already gone. The future is just a figment of your imagination, so you can't create anything there. The only thing that you can do is use what you have to create the moment that you want in the moment that you are in. You do this by being what it is that you want to create. You want fun, play and laughter, then you must be fun, playful and laughing. This is the only way this is done.

Another great benefit of living this way is: two things cannot occupy the same space at the same time. In other words, if you are being playful, fun and loving, you cannot be resentful and hurt at the same time. It's impossible. This focusing on the fun and play will create more and more moments of fun and play in your relationship. The more you focus on it and be these things, the more playful and fun your relationship will be until eventually, it will be the mode through which you operate.

 Have you ever noticed that when you are with a good friend, even the most boring, mundane things can be made into something fun? You don't need to plan anything special in order to have fun. As a matter of fact, I challenge you to make EVERYTHING and ANYTHING fun. 
I read a challenge recently on a blog that went something like this: when your mate is home, every hour do or say something that makes them feel good. I loved this and wish I could give credit, but I read so many blogs and unfortunately I failed to bookmark this one. Wish I had. I'm going to steal this challenge idea and challenge you to bring more play, fun and joy into your relationship by intentionally being playful, fun and/or joyful every single hour that you are with your mate. I would actually like to recommend that you do this whether or not you are with your mate. Just add some play, fun and joy to your whole life.
I decided to try this and I set alarms to go off on my phone every hour. When they went off, I'd tickle my man, pinch him, wrestle with him, tell him a silly joke, tease him a little or whatever silly, playful thing I felt like doing when the alarm went off. We had the best day ever and it actually carried over to the next day when he started initiating the play. It was a very successful experiment and our relationship feels fresh and new. I feel like we reconnected as best friends. 
Try it. You don't have to do anything extravagant; this is meant to shift energy and very small things are sufficient. Your alarm goes off, pinch his bum. It goes off an hour later, tell him a dirty joke. It goes off again, initiate a round of wrestling. This is all done in a light spirited, playful, warmly loving way. See where it takes you. There is already enough seriousness in the world, you don't need to add to it. 

Joy is the infallible sign of the presence of God.” 

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