Thursday, June 27, 2013

Trust is a Process

I have heard many times that trust is something that is earned. People say that it takes time to trust someone. I understand that there have been times when you feel as if your trust has been betrayed. Trust is absolutely necessary in all relationships. When there is a lack of trust, you can't possibly be open enough to allow love in. It's impossible to have a loving relationship if you aren't trusting.
Although it may be a journey and not something that happens immediately, you can learn to trust, even if you've been hurt before. You can become more and more trusting in your relationships even if your trust in another has been betrayed.
I have come up with a list of things that you can do to trust more and more each day. Be patient with yourself and trust in the process of becoming trusting.

* Trust yourself. Cultivating trust starts with trusting yourself. If you trust yourself completely then you will trust others naturally. To trust yourself is knowing that you will make the best decisions for yourself. You have your own best interest in mind in all that you do. This is not a difficult goal if you love yourself and have your own best interest in mind. Remember that you are the most important person in your life. If you're not well, others around you suffer also. Take care of yourself, make decisions that are good for you. Before making decisions ask yourself, "Is this what's best for me?" This is not meant to be done selfishly (trying to get something from others) it is meant to be done out of love for the self.

* Trust the Universe. The past has happened already and what has happened can't be changed. Thinking about the past and wishing it were different is like thinking about not liking living on planet Earth. Thoughts like these are useless wastes of time as nothing can be done about either. The future hasn't happened yet and is really just a figment of your imagination. Daydreaming about the future in a creative, positive way can be fun, but worrying about the future is like worrying about a daydream. Whatever is happening right now is your life and it is what it is. You are where you are, you are with who you are with and you are doing whatever it is that you are doing. You can make new choices whenever you like and there is no such thing as wrong decisions. Even if you make a choice that lead you to a place that you aren't happy with, you can make a new choice that will lead you somewhere else. If you trust yourself to have your own best interest at heart, then you will naturally make decisions that will lead you to more and more well being.

* Don't deny or resist when you feel mistrust. Instead of pushing down your mistrustful feelings, acknowledge them. Saying to yourself something like, "I'm feeling distrust" and allow yourself to feel it fully. Feelings want to be acknowledged, that's why when they are stuffed down they resurface stronger than ever. You will find that when you allow yourself to feel the distrust (without reacting to it in any way) it will quickly dissipate.

* Choose to trust. Very few, if any, people trust naturally. Most people will feel some mistrust. This is okay, but instead of living and behaving in distrustful ways, you can choose to be trusting. You can say to yourself, "I choose to trust" and then live in trust. Start small, start by choosing to trust that today you will be able to eat enough and that you will be able to feed your family. Trust that you will be able to make it a good morning. Trust your mate to make decisions for himself without your input. Choose to trust whenever you can remember to do so and eventually you will be trusting.

* Take it easy. Sometimes perspective is needed. Think of your life as a whole. Is what is going on right now even going to matter at all in a year from now? Is it even going to matter in a week from now?

* Center yourself. Meditate, take time off to return to yourself. When you can feel a sense of balance, you'll feel better and when you're in a positive state you'll naturally feel more trusting.

* Reflect on the reasons you are feeling mistrustful. Much of the time, the reason you are feeling mistrustful has nothing to do with what is actually going on right now but has to do with something that has happened in the past or something that you are worried about possibly happening in the future.

* Instead of focusing on your feelings of distrust, focus completely on being trustworthy yourself. This is absolutely the quickest way to restore trust in your relationship. Trustworthy partners always do as they say they will do. They are transparent and honest at all times, even when it is difficult to tell the truth. Trustworthy people respect others and are interested in their well being. They speak and act positively on the others behalf, whether the other person is present or not. The way that I think of trustworthiness is a person that can be depended upon to speak and act at all times as if they desire the good feelings and well being of the other as much as or more than that person desires it for themselves. This means you are his friend and ally at all times.

* Focus on building a strong bond of friendship. You get what you focus your attention on and take action on. Focus on being a good friend and speak and act as if the other person is your closest friend. If you are a wonderful friend and treat your relationship as if it is a close friendship at all times, this is what they will become in time.

* Be present. Let him be who he is in the present without a role or expectation of how he should be and give yourself permission to be you. You can be present with another by listening to what they have to say when they are speaking with your full attention as if it is the most important thing in the world at the time. It truly is if you think about it, there's no thought that you could be having while they speak that could possibly be more important than what the other has to say. This means you aren't thinking of what you will say when they are done speaking, you aren't thinking of what tomorrow will bring, how well you're matched or how what he or she is saying effects you. Be there with the other. Miracles happen when you are able to be with the person in whatever is going on. So, if you're watching a movie, enjoy the movie. If you're walking, then walk and enjoy the scenery. Present moment means experiencing the now and here with your entire being. When you are on your walk and talking with another listen to each word they say, feel the breeze, smell the flowers and hear the birds, when they say something that strikes you funny, laugh and feel the joy of the laughter. Presence means immersing yourself in the moment and absorbing what is with your entire being. Nothing else matters but what is happening right now, that is where your body, mind, heart and soul are.

* Act as if you trust completely. Whenever you act as if something is true it will become true. Ask yourself how you would behave if you trusted this person completely. Would you go through their phone? Would you entertain thoughts of them betraying you? Pretend that you have every reason to trust this person.

Life is too short not to trust yourself, others and life itself completely. There is every reason to trust and no reason not to. Give yourself a break if you find this difficult, we all do at times. It's a day by day process and will unfold however it will. Relax and put your focus on trust.

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