Sunday, June 9, 2013

Is It More Important To Love or Be Loved?

I want to be virtuous and say: to love is more important than to be loved. The truth in me says that they are one and the same.
You can't love without being loved and you can't be loved without loving. Love is simply love, given and received it's still love.
When you give love to another, you are giving only what you possess. You can't give away something that you don't have. If you are giving love, that must mean that you feel that you have it to give. You must know that you are lovable and worthy of love if you are giving true love. That would mean that you have it within yourself to give and you know it and therefore are capable of giving it. Otherwise, it would be like giving an empty gift box with nothing inside. The love that you would "give" would just be something that you give to get something in return.  You have to barter to get it, you have to pay. In essence you say, "This is me, but because I'm not good enough as I am to be loved, I have to pay this extra to earn love". So you pretend to be "better" than you are. You do things in spite of yourself to please others. And it truly is "in spite" of yourself. It's like you're punishing yourself for not being good enough to be loved by doing these things that will please others but cause you to feel just a little bit dead inside. Are you not good enough as you are?
The interesting thing is that you would think that what you would be given in return is love but it is really just another empty box. Because you would feel as if you were lacking love within yourself, no one can give you something that you would receive as love. You are, in your mind, unworthy of love. You would always see the other as giving you an empty box, no matter how hard they tried to convince you that the box is full. The only way to fill the box is to not want the box at all, but to instead delight in the feelings that come from giving a box full of whatever makes the other feel good. 
The reason that to give love and to receive love, or to give love and to get love are the same things is simple: you are love. You are love. You may think it comes from an outside source, but consider this: you are the only one that can feel love within yourself, and you are truly the only one who can give love. Others can give you love and you will recognize it as love if it is given in a way that you believe love should be given. But what about all the times that others try to give love to you that you don't recognize as love and so don't allow it in? Can't remember an example? What about all the times that you have given love to others and they don't recognize it as love? This is what you would call a misunderstanding, or a not getting of something. So, when you don't get love (don't understand when love is being given to you) then you don't get love (you don't receive it as love, you don't see it as love).
What if you were to see yourself instead as the source of love? So everything that you give would be love and everything that you receive as well. In the giving of love, love would be felt and feeling love is receiving love. This would seem that you are pardoning sinners and giving yourself permission to be a sinner. However, if you see yourself as the source of love, you would surely understand that the other "selves" out there in the universe are also sources of love. The anger that you receive from someone may be, when translated, "I'm so hurt by the world right now, I feel so alone right now and I wish that someone would just talk to me for five minutes." Examine your own thoughts for a moment, would you not say that they are similar to this? When I feel angry I am usually thinking something that sounds like: "I am so hurt and I really just wish that you would love me (appreciate me, respect me, etc)." This is a request for love. Requests for love must mean that you or the other are out of touch with themselves as the source of love and could use your re-direction, your assistance. Only you can do this, because only you can do anything. Wait for another to effect change in your life and call it control, because that is what it is. We can all see the dangerous effects control has in our own and other's lives. When we think things like this we are thinking lack thoughts, we are not seeing the truth that we are the source of love.
If you sit now and think of someone that is not here with you that you really care about, you can surely generate within you some warm feelings. Think of someone now and visualize something that they did for you that was kind and loving. If you do this you will start to feel warm feelings. This is love. What else could love be? If you weren't the source of it, how could you possibly feel it without something external happening? "But something did happen. They did (fill in the blank) and then I felt love." Yes, they did something, in the past. The past is a figment of your imagination. You don't have the past in your hands, you can't touch it. It's within you as a thought, an idea and/or feeling. You create it.
Besides, aren't you the only one that you have control over? Aren't you the only one that you can cause to act just the way you want in the world? You can't force another to love you. The only thing that you can do is give love and experience the wonderful feelings of love. Nothing else besides this can be expected. You can only tend your own inner garden. You can't tend other's inner gardens, you can't monitor and cause effect on their inner self because you aren't there. You are in you, experiencing your perception of the world outside of you, through various filters and lenses. The love that you give, if it is true, springs forth from deep within. It always originates from warm, loving thoughts, that result in warm, loving feelings. If love isn't warm, loving thoughts that result in warm loving feelings emerging and being expressed outwardly, than what is it?
Only you can control these thoughts, and they've never, in the history of human kind, come from an outside source. You can start deep within, having the thoughts and feelings of warm love and allow yourself to be an expression of that. Whatever actions you take flow from those thoughts and feelings and can only be those thoughts and feelings (warm and loving). You are, once again, the source.
The definition of source is: the point at which something springs into being from which it derives or is obtained. The point of origin, such as a spring of a stream of a river. One that causes, creates, or initiates, a maker. One that supplies information. Beginning and the point of supply. 
The synonyms of source are author, authority, birthplace, cause, commencement, connection, determinant, expert, inception, origin, opening, rise, root, specialist, start, wellspring. The antonyms of source are: effect, end, result. 

You cause love to happen in your life by thinking it, by feeling it. Thinking loving thoughts and from there, feeling loving feelings is the only thing that you have to do if you want to experience love in your life. This is true for loving and being loved. This is true for two big reasons and a million small ones. The two big reasons are: #1. the warm, loving thoughts and feelings inspire only warm, loving action. Warm, loving action likely causes warm, loving effects. #2. the warm, loving thoughts and feelings themselves are actually what you are seeking. The specific conditions are just what you think you need to catalyze the warm, loving thoughts and feelings. Love is only love if it is unconditional. Unconditional = unseen. Only the inner world can be without any conditions at all, so only the inner world that you exist within can be love. The warm, loving thoughts are all that you need, and they come from you, once again: you are the source of love.
However, you are the source of your fear as well as this also comes from within. You can't point out fear for another to observe. Fear is the wall that you decide to build that love can't penetrate. The fear is attachment. This is the: "I need these set of circumstances and this outcome to happen in order to think those warm, loving thoughts. If they don't than I will be deprived of love." In short, "I am incapable of love." You are attached to the idea of specific circumstances that must occur in order to fulfill your fantasy of how the other should behave if they truly loved you. This certain outcome must happen, or I will be deprived of love. But you deprive yourself of love the moment you put conditions on it, the moment you set within you a belief that love is something that can be seen on the outside. Aren't these ideas something that you invent, something that you decide? Once again, you are the source.
Therefor, you can conclude that the best option is to pour love in each moment. The only moment you can ever have any effect on is right now and only you can cause this effect (as the source). Give love into whatever moment this is. Give it by being it. Be it from within. There is nothing else to do. To do something kind for your mom is only loving if while you are doing it you are thinking warm, loving thoughts of her. If you are thinking how much you appreciate her and how much you want her to be happy you will have a smile on your face as you are doing this. You'll enjoy it because you are having loving thoughts and feelings for her and you really want to see her happy. The same way that you pour water into plants to see them bloom. If you are thinking thoughts of being obligated or giving her something in order to please her or with an expectation of her giving something in return, this builds resentment and creates negative feelings within you. Love is not a negative feeling. At least I've never heard of anyone who has ever felt love as painful. The loss of love can be felt as pain, but love itself is pure bliss.
The next time that you become insecure and wonder if you are loved remember that it doesn't matter. You'll never know for sure anyway. No matter what the other person gives you, or demonstrates to you, you are not within them to know their thoughts and feelings. You can only know for sure what you are thinking and feeling and so you can only think and feel love. You can't think warm and loving thoughts for another, only for yourself. You can be afraid of this, or you can allow it to empower you. You can feel as if you are alone, or you can know that you are connected with everything, never alone and allow it to inspire you to be love so that all else will be love as well.
In short: to love and to be loved are both the same things because you are the source of all of your thoughts and feelings and this includes love. The only thing that you can control, or have any effect on, is your own thoughts and feelings and what you give or what you understand as love being given to you. The feelings for both  the giving and getting are generated within, therefor you are the source. Truly loving actions can only be inspired by truly warm, loving thoughts. Expectation of receiving something in return for the love you give is just resentment in disguise, even when the expectation is fulfilled. It's sort of a pre-resentment. This is like pre-judging, or judging based on other's opinions before you've experienced enough to form your own opinion. Then the only thing to do is think warn, loving thoughts and the rest will fall into place. Do this by acknowledging that there is nothing to judge, you are not qualified to judge. All things and people are fine the way they are and don't require anything to be added or taken away to be worthy of love. 

If you're like nearly all humans, if not all, then there will be times that you find it difficult to think and feel warm love. Resort to gratitude. Feelings of appreciation are warm, loving feelings. You can appreciate everything for one reason or another, even if it's something that seems bad, there is a flip side. When you are stuck and can't get yourself to think love, ask yourself what you appreciate. This will get you back on track and help you to rise up to more and more pleasant feelings. I like how Anthony Robbins suggests that if you can't answer the question: "What do I appreciate?" ask yourself, "What could I appreciate if I wanted/choose to?" Once again, you are the determinant and the authority, both synonyms for source. 


  1. Both are equally as important. We cannot give out of an empty vessel. We need to be poured into in order to have something to pour into others. But when our focus is on loving others, what tends to happen (at least has been the case with me) is we are loved greatly in return. So I focus more on loving others and then I have the pleasure of being loved in return.

  2. Very true. I do think both are equally important, and in a way both are the same thing.