Tuesday, May 28, 2013

Programming the Subconscious Mind to Love Fully

I believe in a thing called love, with every fiber of my being. I believe that it is the most worthy cause in life, to love deeply and truly, not just a selected few people in your life, but life itself and that includes all people. I also believe that the more tools I can use to help me to effectively love more truly and fully the better. I recently discovered a fantastic tool to assist me. I just finished a very interesting book called the Honey Moon Effect by Bruce Lipton Ph.D. The book was surprising easy to read.What I picked up most in this book was about how to create "heaven on earth" relationships using the power of the subconscious mind.
I did not realize before reading this book how incredibly powerful the subconscious mind is. According to Bruce Lipton Ph.D. (paraphrased): The subconscious mind is associated with the neural activity of approximately 90% of the brain. The conscious mind can process 40 nerve impulses per second. The subconscious can process 40 million nerve impulses per second! Imagine being able to program that incredibly powerful part of you to assist you in creating a close and loving relationship. The results would be extraordinary.
Our subconscious minds are our "autopilot", they are the part of us that acts without conscious thought. This is the part of us that is our habits and all that we do automatically, which is a huge part of our lives. As a matter of fact Lipton says that if you take an inventory of your life, you are taking a snapshot of your subconscious mind externalized. What a tremendous opportunity! What a gift to be able to set my autopilot to my loving destination!
Although it may not happen over night, there are many tools that you can use to assist you in reprogramming your subconscious mind. The first is awareness that you are mostly operating subconsciously (we all are). When you are doing something that is detrimental to your own or other's well being, you can examine your behavior without judgment and know that you are probably doing so subconsciously. In a sense, you become more conscious when you become aware of where you are unconscious. This "bringing the unconscious to the conscious" will help you to be more awake and more mindful.
You can learn the ways that Bruce Lipton suggests shifting subconscious mind here.

Tuesday, May 21, 2013

What Does it Mean to Give Love and Be Loving?

What I've come to understand is that giving love and being loving has nothing to do with giving anything material and it definitely has nothing to do with sacrifice. Giving love and being loving is being present in the moment with another person, giving them your full attention and saying or doing whatever it is that makes the other feel good and be well in that moment. Love is desiring for the well being and good feelings of the beloved as much as they desire it for themselves. Giving another love and being loving is anything that you do knowing that it brings the other good feelings or well being. Giving love and being loving has nothing to do with sacrifice, If it doesn't feel good to you, it's sacrifice and that isn't love.
No matter what another is doing I can choose to be loving. I can't control anyone else anyway, and only I can make me feel better.
Giving love is what loving someone is. Being loving is giving love in every moment. It all boils down to being able to give love to another in a way that makes them feel good. Many times I think that humans have rules for others to follow. We feel that others should give to us in certain ways and if they don't they aren't loving us "the right way". What if instead of expecting anything from them at all, we could focus on only giving love to them? What a huge difference this would make in our relationships.
To focus exclusively on giving without having any expectations of receiving anything in return is to love truly. This means that you love even if the other is in a terrible mood, even if you're in a terrible mood, whether or not you feel like it and even when the other is being unloving. Unless the other feels good upon receiving what you are giving it isn't love. Desiring good feelings and well being for the other is being loving. Giving it to them in ways that feel good for them is giving love.
When I say that I give love, or to be loving, I don't mean that I give in any way that causes me to feel like that person now owes me. To give in this way is really taking in barter form. Who wants to be given to if it's really just an "I owe you" in a shoddy disguise? Giving in a way that causes you to feel like you are giving something up that you'd rather not give up is sacrifice and sacrifice doesn't feel good for anyone. When I used to give it was in the form of giving in a sacrificial way, giving up something: my time, my resources, my freedom. For the receiver this is very uncomfortable and can create resentment over time. If you feel like in giving you are a better person, or you are trying to "one up" another or make them feel guilty, that is also a form of taking. If in giving, you feel as if the other owes you something, or that you have given away something that you would rather not have given, or that you are a "better person" for giving to them, then you aren't giving and you aren't being loving.
Giving feels good. It's energizing to give love to another. When you give to another in a way that makes them feel good and adds to their well being without expecting anything in return and without giving anything up yourself, that's love in action.
 Does that mean that if your mate wants to go to his favorite restaurant for dinner and you feel like going to a different place that it isn't love if you decide to "sacrifice" your preferences and go to this favorite place? If you feel like: "I did him a favor", that "he owes me", that "I'm a better person", or that "I'll be a pushover to keep the peace", then that isn't love. On the other hand if you feel like: "He really deserves to eat his favorite food. It's so nice to have a night out without the kids " or "It makes me happy when he's happy. I loved the stir fry last time" or "Everything evens out and we'll have plenty of time to go to other restaurants that I prefer."
I believe in love, and I believe that all things are possible. It's possible to give love to another without expecting anything in return. It's possible to add more well being to another's life and to make another feel good. Here are some ideas that you can implement today to give love to not only the special people in your life, but to everyone you meet:

* Tell them you love them if they are someone special in your life
* Help a stranger in need
* Spend one on one time with a special person in your life and give them your full, focused attention
* Put some extra effort into preparing dinner. Cook someone's favorite meal.
* Give your child a "free fun day" out of school. I do this one child at a time and we spend a day doing something they love to do. Make sure you do nothing else but spend time with them.
* Spend some extra time helping your child with homework - patiently.
* Celebrate with loved ones, just because.
* Write a loved one a letter, call or text them to tell them how much you care about them and what you appreciate about them.
* Just be there as a positive and loving force in their life. It's enough to just be with them and be happy and loving through thick and thin. 

Sunday, May 19, 2013

Focusing on Your Own Happiness FIRST

Far too often we place our power outside of ourselves. We feel that others have the ability to make us happy and far too often we expect them to do so. Unfortunately, many people get caught in the trap of blaming others for their own unhappiness as if the ability to cause you to be happy or unhappy can lie outside of yourself.
Only you can make you happy and only you can make you unhappy.
I've always known that intellectually, and yet I still got upset when others didn't treat me the way that I felt they should treat me. Or, when I would do something for them that I thought deserved a different response than the one I was given, I'd feel rejected or taken advantage of or some other detrimental emotion. Then of course, my actions that would come from that feeling were always less than loving. They were unloving not only toward others, but toward myself as well. We are all connected, so how could they not be? What I do to another, I do to all others and that includes myself. I had heard this, meditated on it, read extensively about it and yet, continued the same unloving behaviors. This wasn't intentional, of course, I wouldn't harm myself purposely, but regardless, I was unloving and unkind at times and this effected everyone.
I gave my power away to others. They held the key to my happiness and if they didn't do what they needed to do to make me happy or they did something that upset me, I became upset and blamed them. They were "bad" and "wrong" and of course I was the good one and I got to be right. It was no coincidence that my relationships with others at this time in my life were very strained, because my happiness was so dependent upon them and they so easily let me down. Then I went to a coaching session and started the process of reclaiming this power when my coach asked me kind of out of the blue: "Are you the most important person in your life?"
Whoa. I stood there and just kind of looked at him blankly. I didn't know how to answer, because I couldn't answer yes with any kind of conviction and I didn't want to say no. It was eye opening. I had never before realized how much I don't treat myself like the most important person in my life. We talked for the rest of my session about this and by the end of the hour I felt that it was an absolute necessity that I become the center of my own universe, of my own life. If I'm not then who or what is?
Very recently, last night actually, something happened that really drove the idea home that other people can't make me happy and they should never be expected to. I told someone something and had a conversation that I expected would illicit a particular response. When I didn't get it I was very disappointed. As a matter of fact, it started to ruin my night. I was in a bad mood and taking it out on the people that were with me. They I reminded myself that I didn't need to respond in that way and I decided to let it go. It took some effort to do that, but I knew I needed to. I don't want to be at the effect of what other people decide to do or not do.
When I laid down to sleep the feelings of disappointment and a twinge of anger returned and I tossed and turned for a couple hours. Finally, around 1:00 in the morning, a wise, friendly voice talked to me from inside of myself: "This is your life, Rhiannon. This is your life. What are you doing? Why are you doing this to yourself? Why are you living for everyone else? You don't need to. Until you change, this will continue to happen and you will not find lasting happiness." I decided that I want lasting happiness more than anything and so I must decide to change this way of being.I must decide to be the source of my own joy.
I understand that things effect us as human beings. We have feelings, this is a part of life for everyone. At times some of those feelings will not be pleasant and in fact will be emotions that are very difficult to deal with. At these times it can seem impossible to remember that you are the source of your own joy. However, you are; and you can choose whether or not to stay in that emotion or to "spiral up" to a better feeling. You also have the power to choose (no matter how you are feeling) what you think, say and do. No one can take the power to be happy away from you, just as no one can give it to you.
This is a choice that can be made in every moment by being where you are and enjoying the life that you are living as you are living it. There is nothing that needs to be different in order to please you, nothing that you can accumulate or achieve that will bring you more than superficial and fleeting joy. True joy comes from being in love with the life that you have, as it is. If you are in bed, writing, as I am right now, there is something to be in love with. My laptop is amazing and I am so thankful that I have it. My children are all sleeping soundly and I am thankful for the peace and quiet. My mate is beside me and I am so grateful to have a him as a lover, partner and best friend. I am breathing, my heart is beating and my fingers are hitting keys to type these words. I get to experience the amazing miracle of life in the time and space that is now and here. That is exciting. That is worthy of my deepest gratitude. Happiness is contentment with what is while at the same time knowing that I have limitless potential to do whatever it is that I desire and that I am worthy of love, abundance and joy. Happiness is knowing that if I won the lottery for millions of dollars the only thing that would change would be the house I live in, the furniture and the clothes I wear. The people in my life would remain #1 priority and I would still enjoy the same things I do now. That is my joy. 

Tuesday, May 14, 2013

Miracle Method for Loving Closeness

The understanding, trust and intimacy that comes with closeness is healing for relationships and individuals. When you are "on the same team" as another, this kind of closeness happens naturally. Cooperation in close relationships increases feelings of well being for both partners, but can be inspired by just one. Cooperating and having understanding, trust and intimacy in a relationship really isn't nearly as difficult or complicated as one would think. Many of us human beings tend to enjoy making things challenging when they are actually quite simple, especially with the things we want the most but have never had. Although most of us can remember times when a relationship was flowing very nicely and there were wonderful feelings of closeness, this usually seems to be fleeting and conflict, tension or distance prevails. However, this doesn't have to be the case. In my opinion, if you've done something once, you're capable of doing it all the time. It's possible to have relationships that are predominantly close, loving and harmonious and for the conflict, tension and distance to be rare occurrences or even non-issues.
I am speaking from personal experiences, as I used to have great difficulty in my close relationships. At work, my coworkers and I would laugh and get along perfectly. My girlfriends and I could chat all night. However, my husband and I could barely be in the same room together. I didn't notice the discrepancy then, but I certainly do now. Why is it that we can usually get along so well with people who we aren't that close to, but our most important relationships suffer? It is because we expect the people that we are in close relationships with to meet "our needs". We are usually very focused on what they aren't doing to please us or what they are doing to "make us" angry. This doesn't bode well for the relationship.

All relationships with others are in our mind. The way that we think and feel about ourselves and the other is the way that the relationship will feel. If you are resentful that your husband or wife doesn't share in the responsibilities of the household, you are feeding into the relationship feelings of resentment. However, when your beloved is behaving in a way that upsets you, it feels like a natural reaction to feel upset. What else are you supposed to do? The funny thing that many people don't realize is that you don't have to choose to be upset. When another person does something that you don't feel they "should have" done, that is only your perspective, your opinion and if you get upset about it, it's because you chose to get upset. There is an alternative. You can choose to respond with love no matter what.
For me, and I'm assuming many other people who put love into practice, it has been challenging at times. In the past there were times when I wouldn't even remember to be loving and revert back to old behaviors such as blaming and expecting another to be a certain way or do a certain thing to please me. Then I discovered a way to put love into practice that works miracles for me in all of my relationships. It has healed my relationships from the inside out and was so simple to do. That doesn't mean it was always the easiest, there were times when I was tempted to (and occasions when I did) revert to old ways of thinking and relating. I've never read about this technique in any book, it was something that I noticed worked so incredibly well after doing it a few times "accidentally". I noticed that on some days my relationship with my mate was incredibly easy and joyful and that we were very close. Thank goodness I journal, or I wouldn't have made a connection. One of my regular practices when I journal is briefly describing how the relationship with my mate "felt" on that day and what my thoughts, feelings and actions were. I started doing this after reading a great book about habits in an attempt to create some habits that would effectively improve my relationship. I noticed the pattern and decided to test it out. I was amazed at how effective it was.

The practice I engage in all the time is acting as if we (whoever the other person is or people are and I) are the very closest of friends who truly love each other very much. I act as if I trust them completely. I act as if they are the most important person in the world when I am with them. I act as if what they want for themselves is as important to me as it is for them. I act as if I've known them for my entire life and understand them completely. I do this no matter what is going on around me or what is happening in the relationship. If the other person is in a bad mood or had something happen that is very difficult, I treat
them the way that I would treat a beloved friend, even if they said something hurtful because of their mood. I know that they are my very closest friend and they truly love me, so of course they were reacting to their bad mood. I understand that it wasn't personal. When someone I am with is in a great mood and things are going smoothly it's effortless to do this and it feels amazing. However, the times that it really counts is when there are challenges or when I don't feel like it because I feel that the other person doesn't "deserve" it or even that they deserve to be punished. These are the times that build bonds and heal both partners. The times when you really don't want to be loving toward another is a perfect opportunity because these that the times when if you can get out of your own limited experience and be loving, this is when true love, trust, understanding, intimacy, friendship and closeness are built. It's so easy to be with someone and be loving
when things are easy, but are you there offering love when things are difficult? If you aren't then you can't possibly build closeness. These difficult times are when the "acting as if" truly comes in handy. The times when another is being "unloving" is when you can recognize that this is their cry to be loved and you can give it to them to ease their suffering. Of course, these are the times when you feel like you want to just react to their bad mood but this will keep you both stuck there. Instead, being able to say to yourself, "Okay, I'm upset but I don't have to be. I want a close relationship so I want to be loving. What would I do if I truly loved this person and wanted for both of us to be happy right now?" This has never failed to bring me back to remembering that my ultimate intention is with my mate and I can act accordingly. 

The miracles that this has brought to me in my relationships can't be measured. Before I learned this way of being, I was isolated often even when I was in the company of others. Sometimes they were doing their thing and I was doing mine and with very little provocation from the outside world, a thought would enter my mind and I would suddenly feel lonely and distant. From this thinking I would behave lonely and distant. This only created more distance and loneliness and if you think about it, how could it not? When someone feels lonely and distant around others, they act lonely and distant from them and it's very difficult to connect with someone who is behaving that way. It's likely this person with withdraw or become resentful and give the silent treatment. However they behave, if it's from a feeling of distance or any other unloving feeling, behaviors will reflect that, others will react to it. This is how hell is created in relationships. It usually starts as small negative feelings that one person allows to dictate their thinking and their behaviors, the other person reacts and there is a snowball effect. Eventually, partners really have difficulty getting along, they fight and behave like enemies. There's no love in this approach, love is never painful.
You can decide to give love and be loving, even when you are angry, even when you are sad, even when you feel insecure. You can decide to be loving at all times. If you have to start this off by "acting as if" you are loving and that your relationship is close and truly loving, then so be it. You'll notice when you put this "acting as if" into practice, there will come a point in time when you won't be acting anymore. I won't pretend to know why or how this works, I only know that it works incredibly well.
You decide what's appropriate and what will work for your specific relationships. Remember that the biggest part of acting as if is the thoughts and feelings behind it. If you want to act as if your mate is your best friend in the world, what would you be thinking primarily and what would that feel like for you? From there you can act. If you have just met a man, acting as if in this way is probably best done in more "silent" ways. You may not want to act as if you are close to a man by telling your friends that he is your boyfriend after one date. Instead, clear out a few drawers for a time in the future when he may need it for his stuff. If you have been dating for a while and you'd like to have the closeness of living together, you can "act as if" by getting ready to move out of your apartment and into one you can both share.
The key to this is infinite patience. To "act as if" and then expect a response is not loving, and it isn't giving love it is taking. This is a life time practice to cultivate love within you, not something that you do for a little while to get something. Putting this into practice every day throughout your life time, not only with your mate, but with everyone, is what will create true love and closeness that lasts.
My evidence that this works is this: when I am with a friend or with my mate or even with an acquaintance, when I make a conscious effort to be loving I feel infinitely more close and connected with that person than I would have if I didn't make any effort. This is true even if at first it is just pretend. Don't take my word for it, try it out for yourself and see if it works.

Wednesday, May 8, 2013

Asking Yourself Empowering Questions to Improve Your Relationships

Questions are helpful in directing our focus. Our brains are amazing in their ability to find an answer to any question you ask yourself. Your brain will search tirelessly until it finds an answer that you will accept as true. When we evaluate things throughout our day, we ask ourselves questions many, many times a in the course of our day. Some of the questions are terribly detrimental to our sense of well being, such as: "Why am I so stupid?" or "Why do I always fail?" Your brain doesn't know if these questions are "good" or "bad" or if they will help or harm you. It only knows that you have given it something on which to direct it's attention until it finds evidence to support it. 
When we understand the power of questions, we can use them to assist us in improving our lives. Empowering questions are ones that put us in the role of creators and help us to focus our attention on where we are wanting to be. This focus will uplift us and the power of our subconscious mind will find opportunities everywhere that we can act on to get us there.
You can ask yourself empowering questions as part of your daily routine, like any habit after practicing it repeatedly you won;t have to remind yourself anymore. Another way that I use questions is to redirect my attention onto what it is that I do want when I find myself getting carried away by negative thoughts. You don't necessarily have to know the answer to every question that you ask yourself immediately. Some you will be able to answer right away, others may take some time. You can ask a few questions in the morning and allow the answer to come when it will, and it certainly will.
As this is a blog about spiritually based partnership, the questions below will be about relationships. Here are some examples of empowering questions you can ask yourself about your relationship, your partner and yourself to redirect your attention and assist you in creating a close and loving relationship:

* What do I appreciate most about myself?

* What do I appreciate most about my partner?

* What do I appreciate most about my relationship?

* What do I love most about myself?

* What do I love most about my partner?

* What do I love most about my relationship?

* What do I enjoy most about myself?

* What do I enjoy most about my partner?

* What do I enjoy most about my relationship?

* In what ways am I worthy of love?

* How am I sure that I am the source of love and joy?

* What can I do to give love to (fill in this blank with the most difficult person you have to deal with in your life right now)?

* What can I do to give love to (fill in this blank with a stranger or "neutral" person in your life)?

* What am I feeling most optimistic about in my relationship?

* What can I say or do to help (fill in blank with someone who is going through a difficult time) to feel good and be well?

* What can I share with others that I have more than enough of?

* What is a skill or talent that I possess that I could use to help others feel good and/or be well?

* What do I admire most about myself? 

* What do I admire most about my partner?

* What has my partner been asking me to do that I haven't done yet? How can I fulfill this in a way that is loving and kind?

* What is the greatest strength of my relationship with my mate?

* What is it that I desire to feel in my relationship? Instead of asking for it, give it. What can I do to give this feeling to others?

* How can I live as my true self (the self that is pure love and pure spirit)?

* How can I recognize and honor my partner's true self (the part of him/her that is pure love and pure spirit)?

* What can I do to give more love and expect less?

* In what ways am I the luckiest person on Earth to have the partner that I do?

* What do I feel is lacking in my relationship right now and how can I give this without expecting anything in return in a way that will help my mate feel wonderful?

* How does my partner like to be given to? How can I find out more ways he/she likes to be given to? How can I give these in ways that will feel great for my partner?

In what ways is my life abundant with love?

In what ways is my partner abundant with love?

* In what ways is my relationship abundant with love?

* What can I do to give love to my mate that will make him/her feel wonderful and increase his well being?

* What is my partner's greatest strength?

* In what ways is my partner the best possible partner for me?

* What can I do to bring good feelings to my relationship?

* What can I do to increase love and closeness in my relationship?

* What am I doing in my relationship that is effectively bringing more good feelings?

* What am I doing that is effectively increasing love and closeness in my relationship?

* What is my greatest strength in giving love or bringing well being or good feelings to others?

* What am I most amazed by in my life and in my relationship?

* How am I blessed to know my partner?

* How can I increase and deepen my understanding of my partner?

* What are three kind things others have done for me?

* What are four great things about being in a relationship?

* What are four great things about being in a relationship with my partner?

* What are four great things about giving love without expecting anything in return?

* What are four great things about loving unconditionally?

* What are four things about seeing the best in all people and all things?

* What is the soul of myself and my partner?

* What are three of my most enjoyable moments with my partner?

* What are three times I felt most connected with my partner?

* How can I be a better partner?

* What can I do to be more centered in love more often?

* How can I have unconditional positive regard for everyone in my life?

* How can I be more unconditionally loving and giving?  

The power of questions can't be overstated. Ask any of these questions and your mind will search endlessly for the answers, show you evidence and guide you to opportunities to make it even more true in your life. The more often you ask empowering questions and the more empowering the questions, the greater the results.
There are four questions of value in life... What is sacred? Of what is the spirit made? What is worth living for, and what is worth dying for? The answer to each is the same. Only love.

Monday, May 6, 2013

True Friendship is the Foundation of a Great Relationship

Many times when a couple gets together in a love relationship they will tell others that they are more than "just friends". When I was younger and dating, I used to think that a "romantic relationship" was something different and separate from a friendship. I was married and my husband was my husband, the man who I made major decisions with, had children with and kept a household with. He wasn't a friend really. I had a very close friend that I talked and laughed with, shared secrets with and spent time just "hanging out" with. In my mind then, I thought friendship was to be had with only people of the same sex and I couldn't relate to men in a deep enough way to be friends. They seemed so foreign to me. Although I wanted a loving relationship, I never considered developing a true friendship with my mate to be part of the equation.
That was years ago and I can't even relate to the woman that thought that way. Now I understand that true friendship is the basis of any healthy, close relationship. Without friendship there isn't a foundation at all, you are two people that come together out of obligation and maybe have sex occasionally to fulfill that need. When you have friendship, however, you have a positive, loving bond that keeps you a team through good and bad times.
What is true friendship? This can be a difficult question for some to answer as they've never had a true friend. I am extremely fortunate to have a true friend and our friendship has not only given me this rare gift, but has also taught me to be a true friend. I don't know what other people consider the components of friendship to be, but I do know that Shannon and I have certain things we do that I believe are key to our very close relationship. We've been friends for about seven years now and we are extremely close, we tell each other just about everything. We spend a lot of time together and yet could still talk for hours about everything from our hair and nails to quantum physics. We laugh hysterically and have so much fun together in just about everything we do.Most importantly, we have been there for each other through the most difficult times of our lives and remained close.

I feel that you'd be hard pressed to find friends that are as close to one another as we are and up until about two years ago I thought that we were just really lucky. Now I understand that it is much more than luck. We somehow just knew (and know) how to be great friends for each other. This isn't something that anyone taught either of us to do, but after careful reflection I've come up with key things that we have always done and continue to do that make us the great friends that we are. Apply these to any relationship and you will have a true friendship with them.

* We accept each other as we are. 
Shannon and I have always let each other be who we are with complete acceptance. I feel that true acceptance is actually approval. When she says or does something, it gets my approval and when I say or do something, it gets her approval. The only time that we don't give approval to one another is if we feel that something the other is doing goes against their own well being. As long as we know that what we are acting in ways that bring wellness for ourselves, we give each other complete freedom to be ourselves. Another way of putting this is to say that we have unconditional positive regard for one another.

* We are kind and considerate toward one another and toward others
One of the things that is most important about our friendship is that we are always kind and considerate of one another. Her well being is important to me and I know that mine is important to her as well. We respect one another, speak kindly to each other and about one another to others and we consider one another's feelings when we interact. We seek to understand one another and to listen fully. This has never faded, regardless of the fact that we know each other much better now. The same courtesies that I would extend to any honored guest in my life I extend to Shannon. 

* We are open and honest with each other
Although we are always kind and considerate, we are also always honest with one another. There is no need for us to lie because we know that we know that we have each other's best interest in mind. We speak our truth to one another and accept it as good counsel. This openness and honesty has created trust between us. She is someone that I know has my best interest at heart and wants me to be well and feel good and therefore will tell me truth in a kind way.

*We trust each other
Because I know that she wishes for my well being and I wish for hers, trust comes naturally. We trust each  other in every way because we have a foundation of acceptance, approval and adding to each other's well being.  

* We are committed to being friends throughout the changes in our relationship.
Our lives have changed in many ways since we first became  friends. We are not the same people we were when we first met and we both know that this is natural. Throughout our many changes we have made adjustments because we care about each other and our friendship is important to both of us. Everyone changes over time. If you are committed to a relationship, this means remaining committed to remaining close through the changes that you both will inevitably go through.

* We are glad to be together when we are and make sure that we have a good time.
This is called "Positive Sentiment Override".  Extraordinary Jeni says: "In Positive Sentiment Override (PSO), positive comments and behaviors outweigh negative ones about 20:1. This means that there is a positive filter that alters how couples remember past events and view new issues. Just because your spouse did something negative in your eyes that should not effect how you view their character. The smalls things they do that impress you go straight to their quality and character. This feels like grace to me". Put another way, the positive energy that you add to a relationship will result in a more positive relationship. Intimacy and connection involve being present with another in a positive way in the moment and this is also positive emotional override. Our practice of this over time has caused us to be as close as we are now.

* We build each other up and support one another.
We offer one another support, encouragement and compassion. We are there for one another as positive forces. When I am making decisions she almost never tells me what I "should" do, but she listens, offers encouragement and support and reminds me that people care about me and are there for me. She reminds me that my life is good and I am fortunate when she knows that I need to hear it. We make each other feel good. 

* We give without expecting anything in return.
This is the most important thing that we do by far. We had a discussion about our friendship recently and we talked about how much we give to each other. We say all the time "it all evens out". By that we don't mean that I give to her and then the next time I expect her to give to me. Instead we mean that there will come a time that the energy that we gave will come back to us and we don't need to know when, how, in what way or from who, we just have faith that it will at some point.

“Friendship is born at that moment when one person says to another: "What! You too? I thought I was the only one.” 

Friday, May 3, 2013

The Challenge and the Gift

I believe that we are all divine, spiritual beings having a temporary human experience. We are using these amazing vehicles called our bodies that we are borrowing; learning our lessons on this wonderful Earth school. We get to experience the miracle of life every single day. I won't pretend to know what the greater purpose for all of this living in a human body is, but I know that there is one. It seems to me that in this life we will never be able to know our own depths, we will never be able to conceive of the wonders of our own inner world. 
The world outside of us is created by us, we change what is happening on a quantum level when we observe what is "going on around us". We can never not be an observer, so therefore we can never not create and be creators. We are powerful and wise beyond what we can imagine. Inside of us is every piece of the universe, all of the planets and stars, all that is everywhere. Energy isn't always tangible, and so all ideas, all questions and all of the answers to the questions that have ever existed or will ever exist is within you, right now. You, yes you, the reader, have infinite potential. You are eternal, all loving and infinitely wise. The kicker is: so is everyone else.
One of the greatest challenges in our lives, as well as one of the greatest gifts is our relationships and experiences with other human beings. If you were by yourself on this planet, you may have to find ways to survive, you may have to contend with the wild forces of nature, but you would never be challenged in the unique way that only another person can challenge you. Herein lies the gift as well: other humans help us to learn more about ourselves, to evolve, to become more accepting, more loving, more truly ourselves and more whole. 
The enormous gifts that others bring to us is priceless and irreplaceable  You will not find such depth of experience or potential for awakening with anything you could ever buy, in any place you could ever travel, or with any other sentient being. Why? Because human beings are reflections of our infinite inner self. Although the entire universe is a mirror of us, human beings more accurately and specifically show us, up close and personal what it is we most need to give our attention to. They are more like us than any other object or sentient being and so they reflect most clearly what we need to see in ourselves in order to evolve, grow, and become whole. 
In this way, the people around you are wiser than you are and they are all assisting you immensely  Everyone, from the mailman, to our spouse and children, the people who please us, the people we couldn't care less about and the people who piss us off, are all wiser than us and are all doing what they do to guide us on our journey through life. Through others we learn what we must do to awaken and become enlightened. These are inevitable lessons for our benefit. However, we can choose to resist this guidance and it will be shown to us again and again until we decide to learn and work with what is happening to create change within ourselves and therefore our lives. This is one way of dealing with the stuff that comes up, and definitely the way that I dealt with things for most of my life and my emotional distress, troubled relationships and my entire life was a direct reflection of that. As it always is a reflection of what we are deciding to be.
There is an option that is much more conducive to your spiritual growth. You can decide, right now to view others as infinitely wise guides and teachers who know what your best self and what your greatest life is. You can choose to see them as doing everything that they do as an effort to get you there while at the same time helping you to be awake to and appreciative of the life you are living in this moment. When we decide to really look at others as our wise teachers and guides that want only to assist us in being our best and living our best life, a few wonderful things happen. We become open to learning the lessons and we grow and evolve as a result. The lessons help us to see the bigger picture and to find our own truest truths and with this great awareness we transform to become more connected to everything, more kind, compassionate, understanding and loving. Others are seen in a new light, even the people who we never took the time to notice or appreciate or the people we can't stand to be around are individuals worthy of your acceptance, respect and possibly eventually your loving kindness. Your relationships with the "special" people in your life (lovers, family and friends) will improve because you know that when conflict arises it is an opportunity to look closer at yourself and discover the places that you are stuck instead of blaming them and playing the outworn part of victim. 
I'm certainly not perfect and many times I forget that others are wiser than me and are helping me to become more whole. I get upset sometimes at silly things because I'm in a bad mood and don't want to deal with it. I take things personally and feel like a victim. Everything that I suggest I have at one time (probably multiple times) failed at miserably. I know that you aren't perfect either, but you can start today to intend to be open to seeing the wisdom and assistance others are offering you. You can choose to stop blaming and look within at the ways in which you can change and grow. You can take a baby step or two in the direction of appreciating everyone in your life, including the difficult people. Our relationships lays before us a clear and unique path to wholeness and awakening and our willingness to take responsibility and look within is the vehicle in which we travel this path.